The hustle and bustle of the year (finally) began this week. Took me a while to finally get in the mood for Christmas, I'm still not completely convinced that I am even there, but I am determined to make it special for my two sweet boys.
It's easy to get into a pity party, waaah my husband is gone, I don't want to celebrate... Although it stinks big time, there are many more Holidays to spend together.. I know it will make next year, and the year after that even more special. Truth is, Christmas isn't for MY enjoyment. I read this this morning and had to share...
"Jesus still came. Jesus still comes. In the midst of our brightest shining moments or in the midst of the darkest pain, Jesus comes. Do the carols that once brought joy to your heart bring tears to your eyes this season? Wherever Christmas finds you, Jesus still comes. And because He came, your pain is not in vain. Nor is it the end of your story."
Presents are wrapped. Car is being packed for our week up at my Parent's. Cayden is thrilled as all can about opening presents.
It was the night before Christmas, when all through the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo and Barbie, flipped through t...heir heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great!!" muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."
"Ho-Ho-Ho!!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake.
Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa. I've no time for chit-chat."
It was the mother's twin.
Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.
She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, watch the Young and the Restless."
"Fantastic!!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true!
I'll shop. I'll read. I'll sleep a whole night through!"
From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?!? I'm scared, and I'm wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
As she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.
"You're the best mommy ever. I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.
That's my child's love that she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear,
Only one loving mother is needed here."
The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."
I took Cayden to the Ymca to swim yesterday and let me just say, if I could bottle those giggles up to listen to whenever I please, I am positive I would have a long and happy life.
He is three now, and I have decided that three is more work than two. He has now decided that he likes the word NO (took three years, I guess I shouldn't complain too much), must snap his own car seat every single time, must pour his own cereal in the morning regardless if he eats it or not, doesn't enjoy washing his hands after he uses the bathroom, and hates to help me pick up toys. Truth is, his little personality pops out a little more every single day and I would not trade this stage for anything. He is a character! He thinks "toots" are hysterical. He loves building with Legos and I adore listening to him talk to them. He is obsessed with Toy Story and his Papa.
He breaks my heart every single day- I am not completely sure he understands why Daddy has been gone for so long. We talk about it a lot and although we are over the initial adjustment of that, he still asks if Daddy is on his way home yet. He thinks when he hears a car pull up that it's Daddy. He loves to talk to Daddy on the computer, and enjoys making lots and lots of plans for when "Daddy comes home".
I do know that even on the toughest of days, this little guy can light up my world. Oh, Darlin' don't you ever grow up, ever grow up, just stay this little...
Let me introduce you to the new man in my life...
Asher made his appearance two weeks early as a healthy 7lb 13.5oz big boy!
I thought I was suffering from a stomachache for the day, thinking nothing of it. As I sat at a Scentsy party, it seemed that my stomachache was getting worse. I called my Mom as I left, eager to head to the nearest Arby's drive-thru. My smart Mother said, "Maybe you should time this stomachache?".. I quickly hung up, waiting for the next stomachache to hit. Almost 40 seconds long, 5 minutes since the last one. I called Mom back, who was in the middle of a date with my Dad.. "Maybe you should just be on call tonight?"
Cayden and I headed home to eat our roast beef sandwiches. Drink some water. Relax!
Then, called my Mom back.. Ugh, I think this may be it? But I'm going to feel really stupid if you come down and it's nothing! My mom lives about an hour and 40 minutes away. My SIL saved the day and also said she would head down in case we needed someone to hang out with Cayden, you know.. Just in case?
They both showed up after Cayden was bathed and sound asleep in bed.. Time was now close to 9:30pm Friday night. I jumped in the shower real quick.. Made sure everything was packed.. Oh yeah, had to pay a few bills online before they were late (it was the 1st of the month afterall!).
This indeed was not a stomachache, but labor. In my defense, I suffer from back labor, so it was more in my behind (ah hem) than uterus (I'll spare you).
At this point, my cramps are now close to 2.5 minutes apart. Perhaps we should head to the hospital now?
They hook me up and determine I am 4cm, 100% effaced. Woo hoo, I was admitted!
Once I am clothed in the adorning way-too-thin-hospital gown, in comes anesthesiologist (halleluia!). At this point, I still feel ok.. So tell her to come back in an hour or so. She gives me a not so certain look and it's then I realize it's now or never. My "strong" Mother-slash-birth-coach holds onto me tightly, until we deem that she is not so into needles and "weird hospital smells". Good distraction from the 4inch needle now residing in my spine.
As it did with Cayden's birth, the medicine is pumped in, and my heartrate drops. My nurse yells out in the hall that she needs help, in comes 2 doctors and 3 more nurses. It is still a little blurry to me, but I know even with no feeling to my legs, I was using all my might to flip from side to side. Asher was in distress for what felt like 10 minutes, but I am not really sure how long it was. All I know is not hearing that beeping noise on the machines was terrifying. I just kept cheering him on. Come on, Asher... Come on buddy.
Praise God, they found a spot he likes and now his heartrate is back to normal. You could bet that I was not about to move from that spot he liked. No way.
The epidural was now already wearing off, and my dear anesthesiologist was off with someone else in an emergency c-section. At this point I needed to roll on my other side, while gripping my bed in agony. In comes the doctor on call for the night, Major Morgan. She checks me, and as she does I have the worst contraction yet, to which she calls out; "We're having a baby!".
Some where during this contraction, my Mom sets the camcorder in the corner on record, anesthelogist pumps some more medicine in my catheter, the bed cuts in half, bright lights are shone, and I am indeed having a baby...
Three pushes, that was it! I pushed for three hours with Cayden.. This is cake! 2:23am. October 2nd.
They hand me my new love... He is quite purple and not crying, I kiss him really fast before he is wisked off to the NICU.
Finally around 4am, they bring him in. They say he had a lot of fluid in his lungs and stomach, but made a fast recovery. No one prepares you for that feeling you feel when you first meet your child-- the one you have cherished and loved on for the last 9 months, meeting them in the flesh.
Asher is now 2.5 months. Daddy will be home next month to meet him.
He is such a sweet baby.. He loves nothing more than snuggling up to your neck. His smile is perfect. He is finally starting to sleep a bit more in the night. I'll save the whole adjustment to two on my own in another post.
Tis' the middle of December, and all through the Jones house, all the creatures were stirring, even the mouse (that I am positive resides down in the crawl space). Toy Story 3 was singing, the heater was purring, the dryer was humming, even the dog was snoring.. The Littlest sits patiently, adoring his Momma, as the Elder quotes Mister Doctor Evil Porkchop with a huge grin on his face. The Momma eats a piece of chocolate, sipping her tea, looking over the babies, making sure all is well and tummies are full.. Snow quietly falls outside the window where the Christmas tree glows. The Daddy sleeps soundly too far from home, in his room made of plywood- snuggled in blankets, dreaming of the day when life is back to normal.
No where to be, not much to be done..
I am angry today. I have a heavy heart. It has been a hard week already for our soldiers. It makes me sick that the world can just go on like it does when all this is going on. It barely gets a 20 second news blurb. And as Americans we are so used to seeing that daily that we don't give a second thought about it.
It is hard to truly put it into words, and I know a lot of you won't really understand what I'm saying.
It is terrifying to think that my husband is there. It is so real.
And I can't help but think of the twenty-one knocks on the door that have taken place since Saturday.
This war has to end. And I am not an unpatriotic or unsupportive military wife for saying that.
Forgive me for this funk I am in. I wish something else could occupy my mind. I feel like I was doing so good, and being so strong. I guess that's normal? I don't even know what to really expect. I survived a whole month of this. I only have 11 months left to go. I am counting on September to be better, to get into a routine and time to start passing a little faster. To get somewhat adjusted. I am still holding out.
All I know is that I'm not in control. All I can do is sit here and pray vigilantly.
I have never wanted time to fly by the way I do now. Usually it's a "I can't believe August is already almost over, where did the summer go?".
Now it's more like, "it's the last week of August!! Summer is almost over!!!"
And that's not just because I love the fall. And that's not just because I am sooo ready to indulge in a grande nonfat no whip pumpkin spice latte.... Drool!
I am welcoming the change of seasons with open arms this year. I don't like the winter, but guess what?! I cannot wait for it to get here, and then get out of here too!
And you are probably going to get really annoyed that I am praising this quickly ending year, but I really don't care.. and I can name about 20 other wives off the top of my head who feel the same way I do. Plus, it's my blog- so I'm allowed! Rake up the leaves on my own? No problem. Shovel snow off the sidewalk with frozen fingers? Bring it. Because after that, spring comes. And after that, summer comes. And when summer comes, do you have any idea what that means?? It means I survived an entire year of agony. More on that later.
Finding joy in the small things....
Just when you start to stress about the water bill, He sends rain your way every afternoon for the last two weeks.
When you are running late to your doctors appointment, He makes sure you hit every green light.
I KNOW He is good. I KNOW He is looking out for me. I can't imagine trying to make this year pass without the comfort of knowing He is holding me.
Still (barely) surviving the first week of our very first deployment.
I realize that in a sense, we are blessed. My husband has been in the Army for over 4.5 years and has never been away for over a month (not counting 6 months at basic and AIT). I know not many military wives can say that. Our commander's wife told me this is their 3rd (THREE!) deployment in 5 years. To do the math, that is one year on, one year off.. for the last 5 years. Something. Has. Got. To. Change. I cannot imagine. I don't want to do this every other year.
My parents have been down here for a night already. They take amazing care of me and I know that Kele can rest easy knowing I have help whenever I need it. My Dad mowed the lawn and fixed a few other things around the house. My Mom bathed and put Cayden to bed for me- a genuine treat for Mommy after you do it every. single. night.
I had a good short weekend with them. I was sad to tell them goodbye, even knowing that I will see them in a week (I'm a baby, I know!) but the silence that lingers at the end of the day stings. Sunday was a good day. Monday was a good day. Any day that I stay busy all day long is a good day. And then you hit a bump where you have nothing planned for the day. Cayden had a rough day today.. He wakes up cranky and it doesn't matter how long he naps, you can guarantee that he will be in the same mood until he goes to bed. And that's ok, because even I have those days.
I am still ready to conquer this year. I WILL conquer this year. I will spit in it's face and laugh when it's over. Until then, I am going to try my hardest to hold my head high with pride. Don't feel bad when you catch me gripping onto my pillow crying. I miss my husband. I miss his company, I miss holding his hand, I miss every single thing about him. There is absolutely nothing that will fill his void.
It is here... It is a really strange feeling. I think that the day that you kiss your soldier goodbye to go off to war is a pretty unexplainable feeling.
It's like you chose to get on the scary roller coaster at Six Flags, and you get strapped in while shaking in your boots-- heading up that big hill and knowing what is coming is terrifying but it's too late to get off. Then you are sitting at the very top before they let you drop and you want off but you know you can't. And then they drop you, and your lose your stomach and you have no control over the situation.
It's like watching the weather and seeing that a horrible storm is coming your way, looking out your window and seeing those black clouds rolling near. You try and do everything you can to prepare for it- close all your windows, get the candles and matches out incase you lose power. But you can't do anything to stop it, nothing to stop the nerves, no way to truly prepare yourself. And you sit in the storm, scared and alone but just rely on your little ounce of faith that's left for the storm to pass and not leave too much damage.
We said goodbye in a most un-intimate setting- about 100 or so soldiers and their families all crowded in a very hot gym. We had a little spot on the gym floor to sit. Cayden kept himself busy with trains and bubbles. I avoided eye contact with all human specie so that I wouldn't lose it, yet again. We had two hours to hang out before you had to say "see ya" and watch them get on the buses. You can bet that I didn't stay to watch him drive away. No way my heart could handle that. Let me tell you the feeling when you let go of your best friends hand not knowing exactly when you will get to hold it again.
It was dark and quiet and hot when we got home, luckily C went straight to bed after a quick shower which left me all alone with my thoughts. I set the alarm on the house, played on the computer for a minute, took the laundry out of the washer that was pretty much already dry, and got in bed. I don't know why it was so hard to fall asleep. I was exhausted. Maybe it was the huge elephant in the room pointing at the empty side of the bed where my husband should be laying. Maybe it was knowing that my husband was a mere 11 miles away for another 5 hours and I couldn't be with him. Maybe it was too quiet.
I will be angry. I will be sad. I will be confident. I will be proud. I will be tired. I will be terrified. I know all the emotions are just churning in my tummy. I know nothing will be quite right until he is back. I will rely on a whole lot of prayer. And coffee. God, please make me strong.
Here is it.... July. Something I will never understand is how on earth time passes so fast. I remember when I was little and Christmas day was over I would feel sick to my stomach because I'd have to wait a WHOLE 'nother year for it to come again. Now, it feels like you blink and another month has passed. Maybe it has to do with having kids, maybe it's just part of getting older.
Update on the Jones'... I sit here with my two loves (C and Daddy) watching a movie.. staring at them as I treasure them cuddling on the couch while we have a "movie night". Our time together for the year is coming to a close already... The countdown is on. When we found out DH was deploying, it felt like it was forever away. Now, it's so close I can literally reach out and touch it. I hope that I can use this blog to get my feelings out. Perhaps somewhat of a journal. Much easier to cry it out in the shower than vocalize it, maybe writing will help too.
We are finally settled in our new home. A little bit further from Target and Starbucks now, but in a very quiet neighborhood and finally meeting some new neighbors. It is a much different feeling with owning a home versus renting. I will be happy when they finally get our old townhouse rented out and we get our security deposit back.
Cayden is changing more and more every day. He is completely over the little froggy potty that sits on the floor and has moved onto standing up to pee on the big potty! That means NO more sanitizing the kiddie potty every time he makes a stinky.... Yippee for Mommy (and Daddy.. sometimes:o) ). He understands that there is a baby in my tummy, he likes to point out how "huge" my tummy is (and big butt.. no joke). I am sure he still doesn't really get that there will be a baby soon, but still praying for an easy adjustment for him.
I am officially 7 months this Thursday and still feeling pretty good. The normal uncomfortableness, but really I have no real complaints! Baby looks good. We are going to do another 4D ultrasound this weekend so Daddy can see him before he goes and very much looking forward to that! We have not shared Baby's name although Cayden has blabbed it with Papa and Auntie and Gamma.. Now, he tells everyone his name is "Baby Doo Doo". That's my boy!
All the rambling for the night.. Thought a quick update was in order before I attempt to jump back in the blogging world.... Hope to be here to stay, soon!
Being a Mom means.... secretly laughing inside when you are pushing your two year old in a cart and he tells you to "CRASH HER!!"-- referring to the elder lady who is now glaring at you from underneath her glasses. Apparently she didn't find that as "cute" as you did.
Being a Mom means.... Losing sleep while you lay in bed with a huge grin on your face, feeling your new baby kick and move around inside you. Something about how no one will ever share that feeling with your own babies..
Being a Mom means... Reaching in the backseat while driving to wipe a big booger off your toddler's finger and not giving a second thought about it.
It is true that I have disappeared from blog land. Please know it is not permanent. I begun to stress myself out by thinking of something creative to write everyday, and realized that that is not the right reason to write. I will be back shortly, I promise you, to share our everyday adventures-- the real reason I started this blog!
I have been busy enjoying my husband while he is back before he leaves again. I survived the first month of training, but very happy, none-the-less, to have him back in my arms. This is our last full month together and I am determined to make it go by very slowly (meaning, no complaining about the pooy weather and wishing for summer!). Next month, it is off for a few more weeks of training, and ship off date is still looking towards the endish of summer. I have learned to have a flashlight ready during thunderstorms, just in case the power goes out, that no one can wrestle quite like Daddy, car problems might and will just happen, you still have to cook dinner for the child so he doesn't become malnourished, and back rubs are truly a TREAT!
I am now 17 weeks pregnant and feeling great. I am one of the few lucky women who don't get sick whilst pregnant (don't hate). Energy has finally decided to join my life again and I was asked the first time by someone who doesn't know me if I am having a boy or a girl. We are going to find out the gender next Saturday (the 15th) and I am THRILLED! I feel like it is a boy, Daddy feels like it is a girl, and the chinese gender predictor says it's a girl. I will let you all know when I know! Of course a girl would be fabulous, but I also think it would be so fun for Cayden to have a brother!
Thanks for hanging in there with me, and I will be around more to write and whine and celebrate and cry plenty more, soon enough.....
It is definitely not me who has neglected my blog for far too long.. I do not have blog ideas floating around in my head and just not wanted to take the energy to sit and write. I have not spent all my time on Facebook, instead. No way!
It is not me who has left the crock-pot dish sitting in the sink for going on 4 days and I don't just keep switching out the water for fresh. That would be so gross!
It is not my husband who loves to make a stop by Dunkin Doughnuts on the way to church every Sunday to get us Blueberry coffee. I do not BEG him to please exclude me while he is making a decision on whether or not to get a boston cream doughnut and he has not ignored my request for three weeks. I have not caved in and eaten it. DON'T tempt the pregnant lady.
It is not our household who ran out of coffee beans on a Monday morning. This is a perfectly normal way to start the week. I do not sit here rubbing my eyes, slow to get up and use this as a great excuse (like I need one!) to go to Starbucks instead.
It is not my mother who has held my camera captive until I drive the hour and a half up to her house to get it. I am not a horrible mother who has failed to take one single picture of my child for almost a whole month. I will (not) be documenting our trip to Disney on Ice for said reasons.
Must. Pry. Big (doughnut). Butt. Off. Couch. And. Get. To. Grocery. Store.
Last Thursday Mckmama and her husband were in town doing some business at Focus on the Family... they set up a little gathering, so my mom drove down and we got to go together! It was a good time, and afterwords we had a really good time playing at "Wit's End"- could hardly get Cayden to leave! Jennifer is just as genuine as she writes, and I learned that Cayden is only one day older than SmallFry!
Jennifer and I!
Momma, Cayden and I
Group Photo (Stolen off Jennifer's page..hehe!) We are second from the last on the left.
#4. Gynecologist- ok, ok... but think about this one- what if we didn't have this specialty and we really needed to see one??
#5. Good friends- how about best friends?
#6. Garlic- the smell will always bring my back to my Grandpa's cooking.
#7. Grills- as in BBQ (although for thee mouth is quite neat too, haha!). Can't wait for summer BBQs!!!
#8. Green chili- Not many people have heard of this. You are missing out BIG time. Slow roasted.... mmmm.. I have been craving this like no other lately (and can't seem to find any in this town, going to make my own this weekend). My "Weenie's", Moms, Uncle Jim's, husbands and Uncle Victor's are my absolute favorite....
#9. Grandpas.. I seriously cannot imagine what my life would be like without them. My Grandpa Chuck lost his battle to cancer and I can't wait to see him in heaven again. My Grandpa Lloyd is 86 and one amazing man- still hunts, golfs, he seriously does it all. My "Pompa" has a huge heart and adores his Great-grandchildren and can have a conversation with my husband for hours telling stories of his life in the military.
#10. Grandmothers- very most important. I have been blessed to know all 3 of my Grandmas and until recently, grew up with all 3. Cayden adores both of his Grandma's so much and even has three-great Grandmother's that love on him!
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
It was not my child who got a little sick this last week and threw up all over the (new car smell) seat of the car. I did not pull him out and let him continue to throw up all over the parking lot of my very favorite kid's consignment store. I did not consider running in the store and ask for some paper towels or a plastic bag or something, and instead put C back in the car and drive away.. I did not leave a big mess.
It is not my child who has continued to wake up numerous times in the middle of the night. He does not come into my room to get me, and I do not run downstairs to get him milk and sit with him until he falls asleep. This is not getting more and more frequent every night, and I am not starting any bad habits. I do not think it is easier to just put him back to sleep, rather than fight him. I am not counting down the hours until Daddy comes home from the field.
It was not my child who, while finger painting, had to wash his hands every couple of minutes because he was grossed out. He is not related to my brother or my sister.
This is my first time joining this blog hop because quite frankly I don't usually get sucked into the great world of blogs on Sundays... I assure you I have had plenty of time on my hands today (note: husband is STILL in the field....)
How about... neither? I know, I am a HUGE chicken.. I am not spontaneous. I guess if I was forced to choose I would go for sky diving, something about bungee jumping, perhaps the bungee will break? How about indoor skydiving? That, I can handle.
2. When using a public restroom to you squat over the seat or sit?
I would like to say I squat over the seat, but I am known to wait until the last minute if I do have to enter the dreaded public restroom, then I just have to plop down and go, ya know what I'm saying? I try and avoid those places as much as possible. They literally make me gag. Potty training is a blast.
3. Favorite flower?
I am all about those tropical flowers.. you know, orchids and such. But I also love tulips, so simple.
4. Pedicure or manicure?
I have been a good girl for a while now and kept up with getting my nails done, but I would much rather enjoy a relaxing pedicure. Waiting for summer and flip flops, would hate to cover those babies up!
5. How many siblings do you have?
2. I have an older sister and an older(est) brother. We are all 16 months apart. Yeah, a little crazy Mom!
6. Do you pee in the shower? (gasp!)
I used to.. I usually use the bathroom right before I get in the shower!
7. Bikini, tankini, or one piece?
What is this bikini you speak of? Maybe 3 years ago..... I vote tankini!
8. Where do you hate to shop at, but go there anyway?
Big time WALMART. I hate the environment, crowds and small isles. I try and avoid it at all costs, but somehow I always end up there looking for something.
It's Friday! Normally I would be super excited, but it is yet another weekend while the hub is living in the field.... Good news is, my Momma is here! Let's see how long I can keep her down here...
It is time for 5QF with the one and only Mama M....
1. Do you sing karaoke? If so, what is your go to song? I ventured out of the box and sang karaoke for the first time ever with my famous karaoke singing sister just a few months ago.... Liquid courage helped, and we sang some Dixie Chicks - Cowboy Take me Away. I vote faster song next time. Here is a horrible and blurry picture for your viewing enjoyment. I am on the right.
2. What is your favorite coffee drink?
Favorite? I will always love me a frappuccino from Starbucks, but on a cold day I choose a Cinnamon Dulce latte or Carmel Brulee latte. Yummo!
3. If you could choose your own name, what would it be?
I am not sure I would want to pick my own name, I would like to rename my husband though (ya know, since we have the same name and all)... He always said he grew up wanting to be named Kevin. I always grew up wanting to be named Johanna. I have no idea why!
4. Were you ever bullied?
Kids are mean. No way around that. I remember some kid in 7th grade used to call me Kelly Gorilla (similar to my maiden name) and that hurt...
5. How often do you eat fast food?
Not as often as I'd like... Hehe, jokes Mom, jokes...I am not a big fan of Wendy's or McD's sort of fast food (or rather the feeling AFTER the fact), but I lurve me some Chick-fil-a or Qdoba or Chipolte or Arby's...
I sit here tonight next to my sick baby.. Today has involved lots of scary temperatures and throw up.
I look at him peacefully sleeping, my eyes fill with tears wishing I could be the one who feels sick.. not him. As a mother I think it is safe to say that our biggest fear is something happening to our children.
He is my whole entire world and I can't imagine it any other way. - And that is putting it lightly.
I think of these parents whose children have terminal illnesses. I think of those parents who have lost their babies. I think of those parents who never got to meet their precious angel.
How can it be? It is something far too vast that I don't think I will ever fully get it. I know God has bigger and better plans, but until I get to heaven I am not sure it will ever make sense.
I think of Layla Grace who is losing her fight right as we speak. I think of Kate who is fighting with all she has, her mom and dad switching shifts on the oncology floor while they take care of their other two children, while their sweet baby girl gets chemo pumped into her little body.. I think of sweet baby Audrey who went straight up to Jesus, and the parents who are longing to meet her again.
It just isn't fair. My baby is fighting a fever, and I sit here feeling so helpless. And I know he is going to be ok. I feel so weak compared to these Mom's who go thru SO much worse. I am ok laying on the floor next to my Bug, I am ok with not getting any sleep tonight just to listen to him breathe and take his temperature. When you are trying for a family you don't think of the sick nights that lie ahead with your children.. I will hold MY baby extra tight tonight and thank God for a healthy and strong boy. I will weep for the Mommy's that go through the unthinkable.
1. Elmo. Even tho Cayden isn't totally into him anymore, he has still provided me with a minute or two of silence. Plus, he is just soooo darn cute. (P.S. Have you seen the guy who does Elmo's voice? Google it! You'd be surprised)
2. Eggs. What else would I get the little bug to eat everyday for breakfast?
3. Egg Beaters. Even better (can you say, easy?)!
4. Ebay. Okay, okay... I'm not really that thankful for this because I could live without it, but it has saved me many a money!
5. Email. Easy way to stay in touch with Grandmother's and in-laws! (Oh what am I kidding, I mean easy way for everyone to forwards me junk joke mail!)
6. Espresso. I. Like. Caffeine.
7. Earth. Although it's a beautiful place to stay, I'm glad to know it's not going to be where I spend eternity!
8. Elephants, and the cute noise C makes because of them!
9. Elk. Not a fan of the taste, but love the pride it brings to my grandpa.
10. Elliptical- you know, for that one time I got on one. Heard it's good to tone the buttox.
Updated: My Mom pointed out that I didn't list Etsy. Heeeeeello, what was I thinking?????? So there. Etsy is my #1 choice :) And yes, I am thankful for it!
I am married to a man who loses everything. Mainly keys, cell phones, leave packets, shoes, coffee mugs....
I swear. And once he notices it is missing, he gets super stressed out. Like, frantically tearing running around the house.
And the thing is... 9 times out of 10, I find what he can't. And I think he is starting to count on me to find it.
Last nights scenario...
We had a late appointment across town to get our taxes done. We rushed home to get C in bed, which we managed to do before 9pm.
Husband comes downstairs after checking on him one last time, and asks if I have seen his cell phone.
Why no, I haven't.
Maybe you should check the dirty clothes hamper where you took off your ACUs... Did you look in the car, maybe it fell out of your pocket? Have you tried calling it? Maybe you accidently put it with the toys when you so lovingly picked up? Are you sure you brought it home from work? Retrace your steps...
Looking, looking... Still nothing.
H: "I just know it fell out of my pocket in the parking lot. I just know it."
So as I am still looking around, he decides to drive the 20 minutes back to the tax office. I take a break and unpause the end of The Biggest Loser..
Then, I decide to look just one more place... you know, maybe he accidentally put it away with the toys when he cleaned up?
And alas... There it was.
On TOP of the toy box.
You know, the second place that I suggested he look.
Sigh.. He completes me, and I him.
I love me all things pumpkin... Pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin coffee creamer, pumpkin ice cream, seriously.. you name it. You can bet when I heard the words "pumpkin chocolate chip cookies" I was all over that. I make these on a regular basis (husband loves this, my big butt doesn't.). They truly are heavenly and very filling, very soft- cake like.. Here is the recipe!
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1. Combine pumpkin, sugar, vegetable oil, and egg. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, ground cinnamon, and salt.
2. Dissolve the baking soda with the milk and stir in. Add flour mixture to pumpkin mixture and mix well.
3. Add vanilla and chocolate chips.
4. Drop by spoonful on greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees F for 10 minutes.
Let me just start this off by saying.... I am SO beyond ready for summer. Granted, we are not snowed in like most of the East coast is, but we have snow which means no going to the park to burn energy, and it takes twice the time to get bundled up and out the door... Come on, spring....
This week's ten are all about the letter D, as in Delta.
1. Dishwasher. I may hate unloading it (in fact, it's calling my name right now) but I really hate washing dishes!
2. Drive Thru Starbucks. Now, I haven't always felt this way.. I used to work at one and saw some pretty lazy people come through. Now I get it! You try lugging a kid in and out of Starbucks in a timely fashion.
3. Dinner. We grew up eating dinner together as a family every night and now I look forward to it with my boys every night. Not necessarily the cooking part, mostly the eating!
4. Dog. Not because she sheds worse than my own head, but she does a nice job of cleaning up the floor around C after said dinner.
5. Dessert! Enough said.
6. DVD player. Since the one in my car is out of commission for the time being, I will go with the one that is currently playing Up just so I can write this post.. it has been a long winter!
7.Dads. Mine is pretty cool.
8. Dark wash jeans. Dresses things up a little (Don't laugh!).
9. Diapers, not!!! I am so tired of buying diapers.. But I guess I am thankful for them, because without them my life may be a mess.
10. Direct Deposit. I love the 1st and 15th of every month. :)
It's Friday and we all know what that means.... We survived another week and Daddy gets to take over breakfast duty for the next two days! Woo!
I am full of it today... a whole lotta nothing, that's what! Friday Fragments are hosted by the wonderful Mrs. 4444... usually bits and pieces that are too short for a blog post of their own.
~What a long week this feels like. Sick babies are not my favorite thing. Proud to report fever is gone, now we just have to kick this cough and boogers outta here! Ready to get out of the house, let alone not miss another MOPS!
~Potty training is going good, maybe this is because we have been in the house most of the week. We have been in "undies" since 7am and only had one accident!! Now only if we could completely get the hang of it and 86 diapers for good!!
~My SIL, BIL and twin two year old nephews are driving down from Denver tomorrow to spend a couple nights with us! It should be a really good time with three 2 year old boys! I love having company.
~As stated above, that means I have been busy cleaning! Which reminds me, I should be scrubbing a bathroom, not sitting here... hmm..
~We live in a townhome which means they have a company come out and shovel snow. Well they usually wait until the day after, so it is completely iced over. One of my friends slipped and hurt her knee, and the husband slipped yesterday too. Maybe I should invest in some ice salt?
~We are hosting our own superbowl party. I don't think too many people are coming, a few of Kele's buddies, sister, friend and SIL/BIL. Should be a good time, we are making some mexican food!
~ I have gotten 4 new blog followers this week.. Do you know how giddy this makes me?????? Love all you ladies! :)
~My sweet husband came home for a late lunch today and decided that he wanted to take Cayden back to work with him.. Here I sit, enjoying TWO whole hours of silence!!! I love that man.
Hope every one has a wonderful weekend.... see ya Monday!
Nothing good going on here today... I am home with a very sick, sleepy baby. He is on his second nap of the day, which makes sense after being up all night.
We went to the doctor this morning to take care of what I thought was an ear infection. Turns out, his ears have been "sucked in" since he doesn't know how to blow his nose, and just sucks the snot up into his head instead. Pleasant, right? Now, we are just busy yawning and chewing loads of bubble gum to try and un-pop them.
Hopeful for a good nights sleep tonight, but I'm not going to count on it after how the last three nights have gone.
I am sure this will become habit even after he starts to feel better. How do you break a two year old of waking up in the middle of the night? Ignore him? Wait for two hours while he tries to fall asleep?
This week's Ten on Tuesday is brought to you by the letter C!
1. Cayden! What did I ever do without that little guy?
2. Canned Starbucks! A wee bit cheaper than the real-deal and a must to have on hand!
3. my Car! A simple luxury we take for granted, can you imagine not having one? And for the first time I have a practical car with all the features I need!
4. Cable. Mostly so we can watch Diego and Little Einsteins, but I also appreciate MTV and TLC :)
5. Clumping cat litter.. Quick, but unfortunately still stinky.
6. Cell phone. Ya know, just in case.
7. Chapstick. Preferably Burts Bees. Because we all know how dry it is here in the square state of Colorado.
8. Cookies. Like pumpkin chocolate chip (recipe coming soon!). Helps my craving for sweets!
9. Cabin. The one my grandpa built. Even though we don't make it up there as much as we should, it is always a good, relaxing time when we do!
10. Cage-- For the dog of course! Last night her door didn't get shut all the way and she made her way up to my room around midnight. I decided to let her just sleep with us for once. After jumping on and off the bed about 4 times (she couldn't get comfy) I remembered why she sleeps in there in the first place!
If you could "do-over" any one scene in your life... what would it be, and why?
When I first read this question, the first thing that popped into my head was when Cayden was born.. Then the more I thought about it, I am not so sure that I want to go thru that pain again.. I was only in labor for 12 hours, but it friggin HURT! So.. Let's say, I would love to go back to the scene right after C was born, because it is such a blur and I really don't remember too much of it!
Happy Monday! I will not be doing a Not Me Monday, because quite frankly the only thing that can come to this sleepy head is about my child waking up a little earlier every single day... Today, 4:30am took the prize! Yawn.
The Crayon Wrangler posted about ten things that make her happy. I will take a break from nagging (finally! Says the husband!) and look on the bright side, for once!
1. When the Bug goes down for his nap or bed time without a fight! Today, nap was a success. Forget the fact that he was up at 4:30.
2. Pay day! Not that I love money, but man! I love money. Money = Target.
3. Cuddling on the couch with the pook while he drinks his milk! Nothing is better than feeling a little (well, not really in his case) head on your shoulder.
4. Good hair days. These are far and few between. If my hair is not up in a messy mess on top of my head, then it's a good day!
5. Grocery shopping alone. Not to be confused with grocery shopping accompanied by a two year old.
6. Coming downstairs and finding that the evening fairy has come to clean up.
7. Goes along with #6. When someone other than myself unloads the dishwasher! This is my least favorite chore. I guess it beats washing the dishes myself tho...
8. When someone saves me the last chocolate chip cookie.
9. An empty laundry hamper. I can't even remember the last time this happened.
10. Date night alone sans children. This is new to me. We went the first two years of his life going out once a year (anniversary) by ourselves. We took our first weekend away at a marriage retreat last weekend while C went to Grandma Jones's house! We all survived. And now know that dinner without a two year old is a whole notha' world!
To play..Grab the questions..copy them onto your blog..answer them..visit MannLand..put your link in and let the Sunday Fun begin!
Let's get this party started!!
1. Do you iron your sheets? Let's be realistic here.. Do I iron anything???
2. Your dream car is....?
Hello! Two door sports car! Something fast!
But these days? I would take some large (SUV!).. Something Hybrid.. Something with a DVD player, third row seating, and enough room in back for all the groceries. I'm not picky, really!
3. Do you have an innie or an outie belly button?
Innie! Original, I know!
4. What meal do you look forward to the most..breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
I would say breakfast. Even though I do not look forward to cooking little man an egg every morning, I do look forward to just pouring myself some cereal! I seriously could live off cereal. What kind you ask? Maple and Brown Sugar Life, Peach Honey Bunches of Oats, Lucky Charms, you name it!
5. Favorite mascara?
I like Maybelline! However, my mom (or rather.... I) just got some Victoria's secret Beauty Rush earlier today! Yet to try it out.
6. What would you say your decorating style is..traditional, modern, eclectic, country, french country, shabby chic, etc..?
I would say it is... Modern? Beige walls, dark sage couches, black and dark purple accessories!
7. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
8. I hate the smell of...?
Cooked broccoli! Seriously! It gives me a major migraine.
"The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make.... I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
-Anna Quindlen(Loud and Clear , 10–11)
I found this on the top of For The Love of Naps blog and read it over and over and over.. it is something I really struggle with and I just had to share it. How do you cherish the special moments?
Happy to report that another week is coming to a close! Not because it wasn't a good week, just looking forward to a weekend up in Denver at the ol' rents!
Join the Friday fun and meet some new friends while you are at it at Mama M's!
1. Would you ever vacation alone?
Ok, Ok.. so this is all circumstantial. Where am I vacationing? If you are talking a vacation away at the spa, then heck yes I would go it alone! If you are talking fly to a far away destination, I would much rather go with someone else. I wouldn't want to dine alone, let alone shop alone!
2. Do you go the speed limit?
Guilty! I am not a huge speed racer, but you know I will go at least 5 over. Bad habit? No. Aggressive? I think so!
3. Why did you start blogging/following blogs?
I started blogging back in November 08.. Because I lived far away from the family and wanted to keep them updated on the little guy! I think I had 4 followers.. My Mom, my Dad, Sister and Sister-in-law! Wish I could remember who I first followed.
4. Where do you shop for yourself?
Target (of course!) is in the lead, closely followed by Forever 21, and Charlotte Rouse because I am in lurve with their jeans!
5. What was the song that you danced your first dance with your spouse to at your wedding...or...what song would you like your first dance to be to?
We danced to Israel Kamakawiwoʻole "Somewhere over the rainbow". Love that song!
As I was catching up on blogs yesterday morning and drinking my morning coffee, I was listening to Cayden playing quietly by himself by his toys. He kept saying "Lion is pooping" "Lion is pooping" and I thought nothing of it... When I glanced over at him, I noticed that there was a mess. A big one. And not just toys all over the floor.
You see, Lion has a small hole on his back. His tail got an owie. So, Lion was pooping. All over my floor.
Well, well, well.... I'm back! Life happened and took priority. Thankful to say things are slowly getting better... Now, my mom did this last week and it started with the letter A. Obviously I missed it! Now it's onto B. (P.S. Ma! You didn't link who hosts this!)
Ten things I am thankful for: B
1. Breakfast. The most important meal of the day, which also happens to be my favorite meal. 2. Bubbles. Because what else would I be able to bribe the Babe to get in the bath every night with? 3. Beer. Do I need to explain? 4. Boots. Especially snow boots. And boots that make you a couple of inches taller. 5. Blankets. Since our electricity bill was outrageous, you will now find me rolled up in a ball on the couch wrapped in a blanket trying to keep my blood flowing. 6. Barbecues. Can't wait for summer! 7. Blogs!! 8. The beach. The one that is calling my name. 9. Babies. Especially other people's.. Helps cure this baby bug I caught. 10. Bed time!! Amen.. I'm tired!
I apologize that I have been missing for a while...
Sometimes life spins out of control. Sometimes our comfort is shaken to the core. I have such a hard time sitting back and trusting that God is in control sometimes. I have a hard time not asking, why? It takes a true constant reminder that sometimes, although we may not understand or comprehend why things happen, He has a plan and a purpose. It isn't easy and I'm not going to sugar coat it. I am not big on waiting. to. see. what. it. is.
Today, I am uncomfortable. I am confused. I am angry. I am worried. I am tired. But I am still here, and I have not lost hope yet.
A soldier was killed on Sunday in Afghanistan. To be correct, 4 soldiers (that I know of) were killed on Sunday in Afghanistan.
One of these men particularly hit close to home. I did not know him, other than from pictures. I do not know his wife, who, on one cold Sunday evening, pulled up to their home to see them leaving.. as her heart immediately fell to the ground. I can't hug her as she now clings to the casket of her husband. In the blink of an eye, she is now a widow, her hero selflessly gave his life for my freedom. I will never fully comprehend what these men (and women) have to go through just so we can live and not give much more than a thought about them. About the men and families who are separated for much too long, the wives who endure the agony of waiting when they haven't heard from their husbands for a week, and the daddies who miss a whole year of their children's lives or births of their first child.
I knew of her, her husband was deployed with my best friends husband. My best friend was on the phone with her as she pulled up to her house and just like that, her life forever changed.
And now, I can't get her out of my mind. I can't help but weep for her, and wonder what she is doing at this very moment. Wonder who held her as she cried herself to sleep last night.
All I ask is that you just keep Casie in your prayers. She is going to need a few.
We have finally decided to try out the toddler bed... again.
A couple months ago, we unknowingly slipped the crib into the guest room, and put our new steal-of-a-craigslist-deal toddler bed in Cayden's room. Who knew he would actually, say, want to get out of bed instead of just fall asleep?
It was about 3 am, on week two that you noticed the lights on in our house, and saw the man re-setting up the crib and out went the toddler bed. And just like that, Cayden was back to his wonderful sleep habits.
Cayden is a little over 26 months and I am pretty sure he would be happy sleeping in a crib for the rest of his life. He likes to put his feet up on the bars, and clank Elmo's eyes on the sides until he falls asleep. If only! I guess if I want to continue with this potty training thing (which is a whole-nother post in itself, he is doing awesomely!) he will need to be able to get out of bed to relieve himself. All part of the process. I think.
Now, we have a pretty solid bedtime routine. Bath, jammies, brush, read, turn lights off, sing a couple songs, place child in crib, and he doesn't make a peep till about 6:30 the next morning.
That is, until the toddler bed came around. Now its bath, jammies, brush, read, turn lights off, sing about 20 songs until angel baby is fast asleep in my arms, place child in "big boy bed" until he makes a peep around 1 am.
I know its a horrible habit I am starting. He knows how to put himself to sleep. But I feel that rocking him is just easier than fighting with him to stay in bed for hours.
A friend of mine suggested the Super Nanny way... every time he comes out of his bed, just put him back in without saying a word. Well, my child is more stubborn than most... It took foreevvvveeeerrrr for him to just stay in bed. Like, over 30 times of patiently putting him back in bed. We did try it for a few nights. Yeah I gave up...... what's it to ya?
So now, rock him to sleep. No, that is not me that you see about 5 years down the road rocking my 7 year old to sleep. Never!
And then after about 4 nights, arose another problem. He decided that he would like to wake the house up around 1 am by saying the saddest/sweetest/tiredest/ "Mommy" a mommy could ever hear. So in I went... He needed a new diaper. And some milk. And someone to sit with him until he fell asleep.
3 nights of interrupted sleep, I finally decided that I am going to stand my ground. I was not equipped with a sippy cup of milk ready to go in the fridge, and I was ready to be Not So Mr. Nice Guy.
And guess what? He slept all night. We shall see how long that lasts!
Any tips? Can someone please tell me that my child is not the only one who has had a horrible transition??
I am so beyond blessed to live the life I live! I married my high school sweetheart on December 30th, 2006. He is one hunk of a Soldier in the U.S. Army, and is so great to me despite anything else going on in the world, it's hard to believe he's all mine! I am the world's most proud Mommy (hands down!) to the world's sweetest and most adorable little boys ever. I never knew so much love was possible!
These are my ramblings as an Army family and SAHM trying to find the joy in my everyday journey.