Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's only Tuesday

I am angry today. I have a heavy heart. It has been a hard week already for our soldiers. It makes me sick that the world can just go on like it does when all this is going on. It barely gets a 20 second news blurb. And as Americans we are so used to seeing that daily that we don't give a second thought about it.
It is hard to truly put it into words, and I know a lot of you won't really understand what I'm saying.
It is terrifying to think that my husband is there. It is so real.
And I can't help but think of the twenty-one knocks on the door that have taken place since Saturday.
This war has to end. And I am not an unpatriotic or unsupportive military wife for saying that.
Forgive me for this funk I am in. I wish something else could occupy my mind. I feel like I was doing so good, and being so strong. I guess that's normal? I don't even know what to really expect. I survived a whole month of this. I only have 11 months left to go. I am counting on September to be better, to get into a routine and time to start passing a little faster. To get somewhat adjusted. I am still holding out.
All I know is that I'm not in control. All I can do is sit here and pray vigilantly.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I have an announcement- August is almost ova!!

I have never wanted time to fly by the way I do now. Usually it's a "I can't believe August is already almost over, where did the summer go?".

Now it's more like, "it's the last week of August!! Summer is almost over!!!"

And that's not just because I love the fall. And that's not just because I am sooo ready to indulge in a grande nonfat no whip pumpkin spice latte.... Drool!

I am welcoming the change of seasons with open arms this year. I don't like the winter, but guess what?! I cannot wait for it to get here, and then get out of here too!

And you are probably going to get really annoyed that I am praising this quickly ending year, but I really don't care.. and I can name about 20 other wives off the top of my head who feel the same way I do. Plus, it's my blog- so I'm allowed! Rake up the leaves on my own? No problem. Shovel snow off the sidewalk with frozen fingers? Bring it. Because after that, spring comes. And after that, summer comes. And when summer comes, do you have any idea what that means?? It means I survived an entire year of agony. More on that later.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Finding Joy

Finding joy in the small things....
Just when you start to stress about the water bill, He sends rain your way every afternoon for the last two weeks.
When you are running late to your doctors appointment, He makes sure you hit every green light.

I KNOW He is good. I KNOW He is looking out for me. I can't imagine trying to make this year pass without the comfort of knowing He is holding me.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Day 5

Still (barely) surviving the first week of our very first deployment.
I realize that in a sense, we are blessed. My husband has been in the Army for over 4.5 years and has never been away for over a month (not counting 6 months at basic and AIT). I know not many military wives can say that. Our commander's wife told me this is their 3rd (THREE!) deployment in 5 years. To do the math, that is one year on, one year off.. for the last 5 years. Something. Has. Got. To. Change. I cannot imagine. I don't want to do this every other year.
My parents have been down here for a night already. They take amazing care of me and I know that Kele can rest easy knowing I have help whenever I need it. My Dad mowed the lawn and fixed a few other things around the house. My Mom bathed and put Cayden to bed for me- a genuine treat for Mommy after you do it every. single. night.
I had a good short weekend with them. I was sad to tell them goodbye, even knowing that I will see them in a week (I'm a baby, I know!) but the silence that lingers at the end of the day stings. Sunday was a good day. Monday was a good day. Any day that I stay busy all day long is a good day. And then you hit a bump where you have nothing planned for the day. Cayden had a rough day today.. He wakes up cranky and it doesn't matter how long he naps, you can guarantee that he will be in the same mood until he goes to bed. And that's ok, because even I have those days.
I am still ready to conquer this year. I WILL conquer this year. I will spit in it's face and laugh when it's over. Until then, I am going to try my hardest to hold my head high with pride. Don't feel bad when you catch me gripping onto my pillow crying.  I miss my husband. I miss his company, I miss holding his hand, I miss every single thing about him. There is absolutely nothing that will fill his void.