Thursday, October 20, 2011

October 18th, 2007

First, came Cayden.
Our honey-moon surprise, first born, awesome and easy baby.

There are not enough words to describe this kid. I am just head over heels for him. He is hilarious, super smart and respectful, caring, and onery. He is ambitious and is still a Mama's boy.

We survived the two's and three's and now I believe four will be our reward (optimistic, I am!!). He couldn't be more thrilled to be four. He keeps asking me if I'm sad that he's four. No buddy, but you can't ever turn FIVE. He got the flu for his birthday this year. He is always blessed with germs on holidays. Luckily, it doesn't hold him back much and he'll be on the mend soon.
Happy 4th Birthday my sweet Cay Bug :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

October 2nd, 2010.

October is a very emotional month for me. My kiddos birthdays are very bittersweet! I wish I could just bottle them up and keep them this age forever. I am just having a blast with them! We'll start with Asher, because his birthday came first this month.

Feels like just yesterday. I thought I had a stomach ache, turns out I was in labor. It was really tough having a baby without my husband by my side. Those four days in the hospital were extremely lonely, I was the only Mom in L&D who didn't have a husband to help me. Not to say, I wasn't ecstatic that I had a new baby boy to love on.

Asher has definitely given me a run for my money! He is very dependent, but is a complete people person. He LOVES to be around anyone, making them smile. He is so smart and has a long attention span. He is a great eater, he just decided at 12 months old he is done nursing. He is my little peanut! I am used to having my kid be off the chart huge, but I just love that Ash is still itty bitty to hold in my arms. I cannot imagine my life without him, he was definitely a missing puzzle piece in our family. Happy first Birthday, Cubby!!! <3

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

If you're reading this..

I survived!

Hard to believe a little over a year ago, I sat on my back porch, crying my eyes out and writing on this exact computer, to you, about watching my husband board a bus on his journey to another country.

Well, we did it. It was a roller coaster. It was hard, it was terrible, it was a learning experience, it was a time of growth. And I never want to do it again, nor do I wish it on my worst enemy.

My other half has been back home a little less than two months. We have easily transitioned into a family of "four", enjoyed a short 30 days together uninterrupted, and now we are adjusting to being back on a normal work schedule.

I am hoping now that my head is attached again that I may have a few moments once in a while to update here. Blog ideas are afloat in my head!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011


This past week has been a whirlwind.. Let me just start by saying I am PRAISING God that he kept me strong through all of this, sent me an "angel" help things out on the home front, and most importantly; Kept my baby strong, gave him an already apparent ability to be a fighter, and gave him an amazingly adorable smile to keep us all going.

It is a rule of deployment; Anything that can go wrong, will. Up until this point, nothing major. Huge vet bill from Miss Smarty Pants eating some Dcon.. Heater freaking out and not turning on on a very cold evening (joys of home ownership!).. Huge dentist bill for me next month..

It started last Monday night. I was spending the week with my Parent's. My children got so spoiled from Santa that it was going to take two trips in my SUV just to get everything home. The plan was to drive the hour and 40 minutes to my house, unload the car into A's bedroom upstairs, eat a quick dinner and head back before bedtime.
I took A out of his car seat right when we got home to change his diaper and took his pants off. Looked away for maybe 30 seconds and when I looked back down, A was not breathing.
It is a little blurry, but I know that I picked him up and hollered at my Mom that he wasn't breathing. Handed him off real quick while I ran to my room to get the suction; first thought was that he was choking on spit up. After about 40 of the longest seconds of my life, he caught his breath and lots of fluid/snot/foam came out of his mouth and nose. At this point he was sitting up and still struggling to catch his breath. He would take one breath and then couldn't again. When he started getting stiff and pale, his eyes started rolling back into his head and I told my Mom to call 911. The operator was going to instruct her through chest compressions, but at this point he had caught his breath  and was letting out a big cry. Big Brother was doing his part in watching out the window for the firetruck.When EMS came in, they recommended taking him in, just in case. So off in the ambulance A and I go, while C and my Mom stay behind. 

I was fully unprepared after waiting 5 hours to see a doctor for them to admit him. We finally got a room a little after midnight. We didn't get much sleep in between a nurse coming in every hour, monitors beeping every few minutes, and a baby who had already slept his long stretch while Mommy sat with drooping eyes waiting to hear..well, anything.
We ended up staying 3 nights. MRIs, chest xrays, swallow studies, EEGs. I have never hated needles so much in my life while witnessing heels get poked countless times, veins getting blown out, blood being drawn. All I know is I have one tough little cookie.

We left the hospital in the middle of a snowstorm with enough oxygen bottles to last a few days, sleep apnea monitors and a pulstat monitor.
He hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything, but I think they are leaning towards gastoesophageal reflux and sleep apnea. He has fluid in his lungs from either not swallowing right or reflux backing up into his lungs. He aspirated on the swallow test but that's a given considering he isn't too skilled on the bottle. We have a new home oxygen unit that he is to be hooked up to for every nap and nighttime, along with the monitors whose beeping I am learning to resent. Medicine that will lower acid in his stomach. Watching for a cough or fever since he is a very high risk for pneumonia. Nothing makes this Mommy's heart ache more than watching your three month old sleep with oxygen in his nose. PJs are now picked with buttons so that the cord from the monitor on his foot can stick out. I now nurse practically laying down so that letdown doesn't drown him. He is never to be laid on his back- quite the task especially during diaper changes.

All the "what ifs" fill my thoughts .. What if he had stopped breathing while we were sleeping? What if my Mom wasn't here to watch C and I had to venture to the ER by myself with both kids? What if he wouldn't have caught his breath?
I have a new profound love and mercy in my heart for Mommy's whose babies have a terminal illness. Yes, I was given quite the scare and life is a tad more difficult now than it was before, but I still have a smiling little boy with a bright future. I will never ever take my kids for granted again. Pray that his throat and nose heals from all the acid. Pray that pneumonia never comes our way. God give me the strength to nurse him back to healthy all the while giving C the attention he needs.
R&R can't come soon enough....

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Camouflage And Christmas Lights

This year as you celebrate Christmas, remember...
Those not home with family..
The ones that stand so bravely to serve our country..
And the ones that watch and pray..

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Almost there

The hustle and bustle of the year (finally) began this week. Took me a while to finally get in the mood for Christmas, I'm still not completely convinced that I am even there, but I am determined to make it special for my two sweet boys.
It's easy to get into a pity party, waaah my husband is gone, I don't want to celebrate... Although it stinks big time, there are many more Holidays to spend together.. I know it will make next year, and the year after that even more special. Truth is, Christmas isn't for MY enjoyment. I read this this morning and had to share...
"Jesus still came. Jesus still comes. In the midst of our brightest shining moments or in the midst of the darkest pain, Jesus comes. Do the carols that once brought joy to your heart bring tears to your eyes this season? Wherever Christmas finds you, Jesus still comes. And because He came, your pain is not in vain. Nor is it the end of your story."

Presents are wrapped. Car is being packed for our week up at my Parent's. Cayden is thrilled as all can about opening presents.

And Christmas will be hard no more.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010