Day 5

Still (barely) surviving the first week of our very first deployment.
I realize that in a sense, we are blessed. My husband has been in the Army for over 4.5 years and has never been away for over a month (not counting 6 months at basic and AIT). I know not many military wives can say that. Our commander's wife told me this is their 3rd (THREE!) deployment in 5 years. To do the math, that is one year on, one year off.. for the last 5 years. Something. Has. Got. To. Change. I cannot imagine. I don't want to do this every other year.
My parents have been down here for a night already. They take amazing care of me and I know that Kele can rest easy knowing I have help whenever I need it. My Dad mowed the lawn and fixed a few other things around the house. My Mom bathed and put Cayden to bed for me- a genuine treat for Mommy after you do it every. single. night.
I had a good short weekend with them. I was sad to tell them goodbye, even knowing that I will see them in a week (I'm a baby, I know!) but the silence that lingers at the end of the day stings. Sunday was a good day. Monday was a good day. Any day that I stay busy all day long is a good day. And then you hit a bump where you have nothing planned for the day. Cayden had a rough day today.. He wakes up cranky and it doesn't matter how long he naps, you can guarantee that he will be in the same mood until he goes to bed. And that's ok, because even I have those days.
I am still ready to conquer this year. I WILL conquer this year. I will spit in it's face and laugh when it's over. Until then, I am going to try my hardest to hold my head high with pride. Don't feel bad when you catch me gripping onto my pillow crying.  I miss my husband. I miss his company, I miss holding his hand, I miss every single thing about him. There is absolutely nothing that will fill his void.