Tonight..

I sit here tonight next to my sick baby.. Today has involved lots of scary temperatures and throw up.

I look at him peacefully sleeping, my eyes fill with tears wishing I could be the one who feels sick.. not him. As a mother I think it is safe to say that our biggest fear is something happening to our children.
He is my whole entire world and I can't imagine it any other way. - And that is putting it lightly.



I think of these parents whose children have terminal illnesses. I think of those parents who have lost their babies. I think of those parents who never got to meet their precious angel.
How can it be? It is something far too vast that I don't think I will ever fully get it. I know God has bigger and better plans, but until I get to heaven I am not sure it will ever make sense.
I think of Layla Grace who is losing her fight right as we speak. I think of Kate who is fighting with all she has, her mom and dad switching shifts on the oncology floor while they take care of their other two children, while their sweet baby girl gets chemo pumped into her little body.. I think of sweet baby Audrey who went straight up to Jesus, and the parents who are longing to meet her again.

It just isn't fair. My baby is fighting a fever, and I sit here feeling so helpless. And I know he is going to be ok. I feel so weak compared to these Mom's who go thru SO much worse. I am ok laying on the floor next to my Bug, I am ok with not getting any sleep tonight just to listen to him breathe and take his temperature. When you are trying for a family you don't think of the sick nights that lie ahead with your children.. I will hold MY baby extra tight tonight and thank God for a healthy and strong boy. I will weep for the Mommy's that go through the unthinkable.