October 18th, 2007

First, came Cayden.
Our honey-moon surprise, first born, awesome and easy baby.

There are not enough words to describe this kid. I am just head over heels for him. He is hilarious, super smart and respectful, caring, and onery. He is ambitious and is still a Mama's boy.

We survived the two's and three's and now I believe four will be our reward (optimistic, I am!!). He couldn't be more thrilled to be four. He keeps asking me if I'm sad that he's four. No buddy, but you can't ever turn FIVE. He got the flu for his birthday this year. He is always blessed with germs on holidays. Luckily, it doesn't hold him back much and he'll be on the mend soon.
Happy 4th Birthday my sweet Cay Bug :)

October 2nd, 2010.

October is a very emotional month for me. My kiddos birthdays are very bittersweet! I wish I could just bottle them up and keep them this age forever. I am just having a blast with them! We'll start with Asher, because his birthday came first this month.

Feels like just yesterday. I thought I had a stomach ache, turns out I was in labor. It was really tough having a baby without my husband by my side. Those four days in the hospital were extremely lonely, I was the only Mom in L&D who didn't have a husband to help me. Not to say, I wasn't ecstatic that I had a new baby boy to love on.

Asher has definitely given me a run for my money! He is very dependent, but is a complete people person. He LOVES to be around anyone, making them smile. He is so smart and has a long attention span. He is a great eater, he just decided at 12 months old he is done nursing. He is my little peanut! I am used to having my kid be off the chart huge, but I just love that Ash is still itty bitty to hold in my arms. I cannot imagine my life without him, he was definitely a missing puzzle piece in our family. Happy first Birthday, Cubby!!! <3

If you're reading this..

I survived!

Hard to believe a little over a year ago, I sat on my back porch, crying my eyes out and writing on this exact computer, to you, about watching my husband board a bus on his journey to another country.

Well, we did it. It was a roller coaster. It was hard, it was terrible, it was a learning experience, it was a time of growth. And I never want to do it again, nor do I wish it on my worst enemy.

My other half has been back home a little less than two months. We have easily transitioned into a family of "four", enjoyed a short 30 days together uninterrupted, and now we are adjusting to being back on a normal work schedule.

I am hoping now that my head is attached again that I may have a few moments once in a while to update here. Blog ideas are afloat in my head!

Love,
Kelly

Whew!

This past week has been a whirlwind.. Let me just start by saying I am PRAISING God that he kept me strong through all of this, sent me an "angel" help things out on the home front, and most importantly; Kept my baby strong, gave him an already apparent ability to be a fighter, and gave him an amazingly adorable smile to keep us all going.

It is a rule of deployment; Anything that can go wrong, will. Up until this point, nothing major. Huge vet bill from Miss Smarty Pants eating some Dcon.. Heater freaking out and not turning on on a very cold evening (joys of home ownership!).. Huge dentist bill for me next month..

It started last Monday night. I was spending the week with my Parent's. My children got so spoiled from Santa that it was going to take two trips in my SUV just to get everything home. The plan was to drive the hour and 40 minutes to my house, unload the car into A's bedroom upstairs, eat a quick dinner and head back before bedtime.
I took A out of his car seat right when we got home to change his diaper and took his pants off. Looked away for maybe 30 seconds and when I looked back down, A was not breathing.
It is a little blurry, but I know that I picked him up and hollered at my Mom that he wasn't breathing. Handed him off real quick while I ran to my room to get the suction; first thought was that he was choking on spit up. After about 40 of the longest seconds of my life, he caught his breath and lots of fluid/snot/foam came out of his mouth and nose. At this point he was sitting up and still struggling to catch his breath. He would take one breath and then couldn't again. When he started getting stiff and pale, his eyes started rolling back into his head and I told my Mom to call 911. The operator was going to instruct her through chest compressions, but at this point he had caught his breath  and was letting out a big cry. Big Brother was doing his part in watching out the window for the firetruck.When EMS came in, they recommended taking him in, just in case. So off in the ambulance A and I go, while C and my Mom stay behind. 

I was fully unprepared after waiting 5 hours to see a doctor for them to admit him. We finally got a room a little after midnight. We didn't get much sleep in between a nurse coming in every hour, monitors beeping every few minutes, and a baby who had already slept his long stretch while Mommy sat with drooping eyes waiting to hear..well, anything.
We ended up staying 3 nights. MRIs, chest xrays, swallow studies, EEGs. I have never hated needles so much in my life while witnessing heels get poked countless times, veins getting blown out, blood being drawn. All I know is I have one tough little cookie.

We left the hospital in the middle of a snowstorm with enough oxygen bottles to last a few days, sleep apnea monitors and a pulstat monitor.
He hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything, but I think they are leaning towards gastoesophageal reflux and sleep apnea. He has fluid in his lungs from either not swallowing right or reflux backing up into his lungs. He aspirated on the swallow test but that's a given considering he isn't too skilled on the bottle. We have a new home oxygen unit that he is to be hooked up to for every nap and nighttime, along with the monitors whose beeping I am learning to resent. Medicine that will lower acid in his stomach. Watching for a cough or fever since he is a very high risk for pneumonia. Nothing makes this Mommy's heart ache more than watching your three month old sleep with oxygen in his nose. PJs are now picked with buttons so that the cord from the monitor on his foot can stick out. I now nurse practically laying down so that letdown doesn't drown him. He is never to be laid on his back- quite the task especially during diaper changes.

All the "what ifs" fill my thoughts .. What if he had stopped breathing while we were sleeping? What if my Mom wasn't here to watch C and I had to venture to the ER by myself with both kids? What if he wouldn't have caught his breath?
I have a new profound love and mercy in my heart for Mommy's whose babies have a terminal illness. Yes, I was given quite the scare and life is a tad more difficult now than it was before, but I still have a smiling little boy with a bright future. I will never ever take my kids for granted again. Pray that his throat and nose heals from all the acid. Pray that pneumonia never comes our way. God give me the strength to nurse him back to healthy all the while giving C the attention he needs.
R&R can't come soon enough....

Camouflage And Christmas Lights

This year as you celebrate Christmas, remember...
Those not home with family..
The ones that stand so bravely to serve our country..
And the ones that watch and pray..

Almost there

The hustle and bustle of the year (finally) began this week. Took me a while to finally get in the mood for Christmas, I'm still not completely convinced that I am even there, but I am determined to make it special for my two sweet boys.
It's easy to get into a pity party, waaah my husband is gone, I don't want to celebrate... Although it stinks big time, there are many more Holidays to spend together.. I know it will make next year, and the year after that even more special. Truth is, Christmas isn't for MY enjoyment. I read this this morning and had to share...
"Jesus still came. Jesus still comes. In the midst of our brightest shining moments or in the midst of the darkest pain, Jesus comes. Do the carols that once brought joy to your heart bring tears to your eyes this season? Wherever Christmas finds you, Jesus still comes. And because He came, your pain is not in vain. Nor is it the end of your story."

Presents are wrapped. Car is being packed for our week up at my Parent's. Cayden is thrilled as all can about opening presents.

And Christmas will be hard no more.

Winter Snow Song - Audrey Assad with Chris Tomlin

Too beautiful of a song not to share...

For the Mommys~

It was the night before Christmas, when all through the abode
Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
While visions of Nintendo and Barbie, flipped through t...heir heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.

So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"
With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,
She descended the stairs, and saw the old man.
He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.
"Oh great!!" muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."

"Ho-Ho-Ho!!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake.
Your gift was especially difficult to make."
"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."
"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa. I've no time for chit-chat."

It was the mother's twin.
Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.
She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.
You'll relax, take it easy, watch the Young and the Restless."
"Fantastic!!" the mom cheered. "My dream come true!
I'll shop. I'll read. I'll sleep a whole night through!"

From the room above, the youngest began to fret.
"Mommy?!? I'm scared, and I'm wet."
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."
The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,
As she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.

"You're the best mommy ever. I really love you."
The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."
The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal.
That's my child's love that she's trying to steal."
Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear,
Only one loving mother is needed here."

The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget it won't be very long,
When they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."
The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."

My sunshine

I took Cayden to the Ymca to swim yesterday and let me just say, if I could bottle those giggles up to listen to whenever I please, I am positive I would have a long and happy life.
He is three now, and I have decided that three is more work than two. He has now decided that he likes the word NO (took three years, I guess I shouldn't complain too much), must snap his own car seat every single time, must pour his own cereal in the morning regardless if he eats it or not, doesn't enjoy washing his hands after he uses the bathroom, and hates to help me pick up toys. Truth is, his little personality pops out a little more every single day and I would not trade this stage for anything. He is a character! He thinks "toots" are hysterical. He loves building with Legos and I adore listening to him talk to them. He is obsessed with Toy Story and his Papa.

He breaks my heart every single day- I am not completely sure he understands why Daddy has been gone for so long. We talk about it a lot and although we are over the initial adjustment of that, he still asks if Daddy is on his way home yet. He thinks when he hears a car pull up that it's Daddy. He loves to talk to Daddy on the computer, and enjoys making lots and lots of plans for when "Daddy comes home".
I do know that even on the toughest of days, this little guy can light up my world.
Oh, Darlin' don't you ever grow up, ever grow up, just stay this little...

The one where I introduce.

Let me introduce you to the new man in my life...
Asher!

Asher made his appearance two weeks early as a healthy 7lb 13.5oz  big boy!
I thought I was suffering from a stomachache for the day, thinking nothing of it. As I sat at a Scentsy party, it seemed that my stomachache was getting worse. I called my Mom as I left, eager to head to the nearest Arby's drive-thru. My smart Mother said, "Maybe you should time this stomachache?".. I quickly hung up, waiting for the next stomachache to hit. Almost 40 seconds long, 5 minutes since the last one. I called Mom back, who was in the middle of a date with my Dad.. "Maybe you should just be on call tonight?"
Cayden and I headed home to eat our roast beef sandwiches. Drink some water. Relax!
Then, called my Mom back.. Ugh, I think this may be it? But I'm going to feel really stupid if you come down and it's nothing! My mom lives about an hour and 40 minutes away. My SIL saved the day and also said she would head down in case we needed someone to hang out with Cayden, you know.. Just in case?
They both showed up after Cayden was bathed and sound asleep in bed.. Time was now close to 9:30pm Friday night. I jumped in the shower real quick.. Made sure everything was packed.. Oh yeah, had to pay a few bills online before they were late (it was the 1st of the month afterall!).
This indeed was not a stomachache, but labor. In my defense, I suffer from back labor, so it was more in my behind (ah hem) than uterus (I'll spare you).

At this point, my cramps are now close to 2.5 minutes apart. Perhaps we should head to the hospital now?
They hook me up and determine I am 4cm, 100% effaced. Woo hoo, I was admitted!
Once I am clothed in the adorning way-too-thin-hospital gown, in comes anesthesiologist (halleluia!). At this point, I still feel ok.. So tell her to come back in an hour or so. She gives me a not so certain look and it's then I realize it's now or never. My "strong" Mother-slash-birth-coach holds onto me tightly, until we deem that she is not so into needles and "weird hospital smells". Good distraction from the 4inch needle now residing in my spine.
As it did with Cayden's birth, the medicine is pumped in, and my heartrate drops. My nurse yells out in the hall that she needs help, in comes 2 doctors and 3 more nurses. It is still a little blurry to me, but I know even with no feeling to my legs, I was using all my might to flip from side to side. Asher was in distress for what felt like 10 minutes, but I am not really sure how long it was. All I know is not hearing that beeping noise on the machines was terrifying. I just kept cheering him on. Come on, Asher... Come on buddy.
Praise God, they found a spot he likes and now his heartrate is back to normal. You could bet that I was not about to move from that spot he liked. No way.
The epidural was now already wearing off, and my dear anesthesiologist was off with someone else in an emergency c-section. At this point I needed to roll on my other side, while gripping my bed in agony. In comes the doctor on call for the night, Major Morgan. She checks me, and as she does I have the worst contraction yet, to which she calls out; "We're having a baby!".
Some where during this contraction, my Mom sets the camcorder in the corner on record, anesthelogist pumps some more medicine in my catheter, the bed cuts in half, bright lights are shone, and I am indeed having a baby...
Three pushes, that was it! I pushed for three hours with Cayden.. This is cake! 2:23am. October 2nd.
They hand me my new love... He is quite purple and not crying, I kiss him really fast before he is wisked off to the NICU.
Finally around 4am, they bring him in. They say he had a lot of fluid in his lungs and stomach, but made a fast recovery. No one prepares you for that feeling you feel when you first meet your child-- the one you have cherished and loved on for the last 9 months, meeting them in the flesh.

Asher is now 2.5 months. Daddy will be home next month to meet him.
He is such a sweet baby.. He loves nothing more than snuggling up to your neck. His smile is perfect. He is finally starting to sleep a bit more in the night. I'll save the whole adjustment to two on my own in another post.

Happy December

Tis' the middle of December, and all through the Jones house, all the creatures were stirring, even the mouse (that I am positive resides down in the crawl space).  Toy Story 3 was singing, the heater was purring, the dryer was humming, even the dog was snoring.. The Littlest sits patiently, adoring his Momma, as the Elder quotes Mister Doctor Evil Porkchop with a huge grin on his face. The Momma eats a piece of chocolate, sipping her tea, looking over the babies, making sure all is well and tummies are full.. Snow quietly falls outside the window where the Christmas tree glows.  The Daddy sleeps soundly too far from home, in his room made of plywood- snuggled in blankets, dreaming of the day when life is back to normal.
No where to be, not much to be done..

It's only Tuesday

I am angry today. I have a heavy heart. It has been a hard week already for our soldiers. It makes me sick that the world can just go on like it does when all this is going on. It barely gets a 20 second news blurb. And as Americans we are so used to seeing that daily that we don't give a second thought about it.
It is hard to truly put it into words, and I know a lot of you won't really understand what I'm saying.
It is terrifying to think that my husband is there. It is so real.
And I can't help but think of the twenty-one knocks on the door that have taken place since Saturday.
This war has to end. And I am not an unpatriotic or unsupportive military wife for saying that.
Forgive me for this funk I am in. I wish something else could occupy my mind. I feel like I was doing so good, and being so strong. I guess that's normal? I don't even know what to really expect. I survived a whole month of this. I only have 11 months left to go. I am counting on September to be better, to get into a routine and time to start passing a little faster. To get somewhat adjusted. I am still holding out.
All I know is that I'm not in control. All I can do is sit here and pray vigilantly.

I have an announcement- August is almost ova!!

I have never wanted time to fly by the way I do now. Usually it's a "I can't believe August is already almost over, where did the summer go?".

Now it's more like, "it's the last week of August!! Summer is almost over!!!"

And that's not just because I love the fall. And that's not just because I am sooo ready to indulge in a grande nonfat no whip pumpkin spice latte.... Drool!

I am welcoming the change of seasons with open arms this year. I don't like the winter, but guess what?! I cannot wait for it to get here, and then get out of here too!

And you are probably going to get really annoyed that I am praising this quickly ending year, but I really don't care.. and I can name about 20 other wives off the top of my head who feel the same way I do. Plus, it's my blog- so I'm allowed! Rake up the leaves on my own? No problem. Shovel snow off the sidewalk with frozen fingers? Bring it. Because after that, spring comes. And after that, summer comes. And when summer comes, do you have any idea what that means?? It means I survived an entire year of agony. More on that later.

Finding Joy

Finding joy in the small things....
Just when you start to stress about the water bill, He sends rain your way every afternoon for the last two weeks.
When you are running late to your doctors appointment, He makes sure you hit every green light.

I KNOW He is good. I KNOW He is looking out for me. I can't imagine trying to make this year pass without the comfort of knowing He is holding me.

Day 5

Still (barely) surviving the first week of our very first deployment.
I realize that in a sense, we are blessed. My husband has been in the Army for over 4.5 years and has never been away for over a month (not counting 6 months at basic and AIT). I know not many military wives can say that. Our commander's wife told me this is their 3rd (THREE!) deployment in 5 years. To do the math, that is one year on, one year off.. for the last 5 years. Something. Has. Got. To. Change. I cannot imagine. I don't want to do this every other year.
My parents have been down here for a night already. They take amazing care of me and I know that Kele can rest easy knowing I have help whenever I need it. My Dad mowed the lawn and fixed a few other things around the house. My Mom bathed and put Cayden to bed for me- a genuine treat for Mommy after you do it every. single. night.
I had a good short weekend with them. I was sad to tell them goodbye, even knowing that I will see them in a week (I'm a baby, I know!) but the silence that lingers at the end of the day stings. Sunday was a good day. Monday was a good day. Any day that I stay busy all day long is a good day. And then you hit a bump where you have nothing planned for the day. Cayden had a rough day today.. He wakes up cranky and it doesn't matter how long he naps, you can guarantee that he will be in the same mood until he goes to bed. And that's ok, because even I have those days.
I am still ready to conquer this year. I WILL conquer this year. I will spit in it's face and laugh when it's over. Until then, I am going to try my hardest to hold my head high with pride. Don't feel bad when you catch me gripping onto my pillow crying.  I miss my husband. I miss his company, I miss holding his hand, I miss every single thing about him. There is absolutely nothing that will fill his void.

Day 1

It is here... It is a really strange feeling. I think that the day that you kiss your soldier goodbye to go off to war is a pretty unexplainable feeling.
It's like you chose to get on the scary roller coaster at Six Flags, and you get strapped in while shaking in your boots-- heading up that big hill and knowing what is coming is terrifying but it's too late to get off. Then you are sitting at the very top before they let you drop and you want off but you know you can't. And then they drop you, and your lose your stomach and you have no control over the situation.

It's like watching the weather and seeing that a horrible storm is coming your way, looking out your window and seeing those black clouds rolling near. You try and do everything you can to prepare for it- close all your windows, get the candles and matches out incase you lose power. But you can't do anything to stop it, nothing to stop the nerves, no way to truly prepare yourself. And you sit in the storm, scared and alone but just rely on your little ounce of faith that's left for the storm to pass and not leave too much damage.

We said goodbye in a most un-intimate setting- about 100 or so soldiers and their families all crowded in a very hot gym. We had a little spot on the gym floor to sit. Cayden kept himself busy with trains and bubbles. I avoided eye contact with all human specie so that I wouldn't lose it, yet again. We had two hours to hang out before you had to say "see ya" and watch them get on the buses. You can bet that I didn't stay to watch him drive away. No way my heart could handle that. Let me tell you the feeling when you let go of your best friends hand not knowing exactly when you will get to hold it again.
It was dark and quiet and hot when we got home, luckily C went straight to bed after a quick shower which left me all alone with my thoughts. I set the alarm on the house, played on the computer for a minute, took the laundry out of the washer that was pretty much already dry, and got in bed. I don't know why it was so hard to fall asleep. I was exhausted. Maybe it was the huge elephant in the room pointing at the empty side of the bed where my husband should be laying. Maybe it was knowing that my husband was a mere 11 miles away for another 5 hours and I couldn't be with him. Maybe it was too quiet.

I will be angry. I will be sad. I will be confident. I will be proud. I will be tired. I will be terrified. I know all the emotions are just churning in my tummy. I know nothing will be quite right until he is back. I will rely on a whole lot of prayer. And coffee. God, please make me strong.

Thanks for the short notice....

Ready or not... Here it comes.


And just to clarify, I am NOT ready.

July 20

Here is it.... July.  Something I will never understand is how on earth time passes so fast. I remember when I was little and Christmas day was over I would feel sick to my stomach because I'd have to wait a WHOLE 'nother year for it to come again. Now, it feels like you blink and another month has passed. Maybe it has to do with having  kids, maybe it's just part of getting older.

Update on the Jones'... I sit here with my two loves (C and Daddy) watching a movie.. staring at them as I treasure them cuddling on the couch while we have a "movie night".  Our time together for the year is coming to a close already... The countdown is on. When we found out DH was deploying, it felt like it was forever away. Now, it's so close I can literally reach out and touch it. I hope that I can use this blog to get my feelings out. Perhaps somewhat of a journal. Much easier to cry it out in the shower than vocalize it, maybe writing will help too.

We are finally settled in our new home. A little bit further from Target and Starbucks now, but in a very quiet neighborhood and finally meeting some new neighbors. It is a much different feeling with owning a home versus renting. I will be happy when they finally get our old townhouse rented out and we get our security deposit back.

Cayden is changing more and more every day. He is completely over the little froggy potty that sits on the floor and has moved onto standing up to pee on the big potty! That means NO more sanitizing the kiddie potty every time he makes a stinky.... Yippee for Mommy (and Daddy.. sometimes:o) ). He understands that there is a baby in my tummy, he likes to point out how "huge" my tummy is (and big butt.. no joke). I am sure he still doesn't really get that there will be a baby soon, but  still praying for an easy adjustment for him.

I am officially 7 months this Thursday and still feeling pretty good. The normal uncomfortableness, but really I have no real complaints! Baby looks good. We are going to do another 4D ultrasound this weekend so Daddy can see him before he goes and very much looking forward to that! We have not shared Baby's name although Cayden has blabbed it with Papa and Auntie and Gamma.. Now, he tells everyone his name is "Baby Doo Doo". That's my boy!

All the rambling for the night.. Thought a quick update was in order before I attempt to jump back in the blogging world.... Hope to be here to stay, soon!

It's a BOY!!!!

You know you're a Mom when...

Head over to ArizonaMamma's blog and what it means to you to be a Mom.



Being a Mom means.... secretly laughing inside when you are pushing your two year old in a cart and he tells you to "CRASH HER!!"-- referring to the elder lady who is now glaring at you from underneath her glasses. Apparently she didn't find that as "cute" as you did.

Being a Mom means.... Losing sleep while you lay in bed with a huge grin on your face, feeling your new baby kick and move around inside you. Something about how no one will ever share that feeling with your own babies..

Being a Mom means...  Reaching in the backseat while driving to wipe a big booger off your toddler's finger and not giving a second thought about it.


What does it mean to you??